Bring Them Up - Sermon Setup for May 2

Here is a short word on my sermon for this Sunday. Parents, please take your calling seriously.

Don't Provoke Your Children - Sermon Setup Apr 25

Here is the sermon setup for this Sunday, April 25 -- "Fathers, don't provoke your children to anger." (Eph 6:4)

6 Questions When Your Child Needs Discipline

From Bruce Ray's Withhold Not Correction:

1. What did you do?
2. What does God say about this? (teach them the Word)
3. Was what you did right or wrong according to the Scriptures?
4. What happens when you disobey?
5. What must I do as a parent under God's authority?
6. What ought you to do in the future?

See One Book Per Week

Parenting Seminar Resources

Last Weekend we had a parenting seminar at Grace Church called "One Generation."

Pastor Dave did a tremendous job putting this weekend together. It was exciting to see many families present with the desire to know and obey God in regards to parenting.

We watched 3 sessions by Tedd Tripp, the author of Shepherding a Child's Heart.

You can watch these sessions here below provided by Mars Hill Church in Seattle, WA. If you click on the "streaming audio" you will find options to download them as mp3s.

Session 1: The Call to Formative Instruction

• Stream the audio
• Stream the video

Session 2: Giving Kids a Vision for God's Glory

• Stream the audio
• Stream the video

Session 3: Helping Kids Understand Authority

• Stream the audio
• Stream the video

Session 4: Helping Kids Understand the Heart

• Stream the audio
• Stream the video

Session 5: Overview of Corrective Discipline

• Stream the audio
• Stream the video

Would Jesus Spank His Child?

We would like to invite you to join us on September 18-19 at Grace Church for our parenting seminar called "One Generation."

Through video and audio messages we'll hear from Voddie Baucham, John Piper, Tedd Tripp, and a few others. We'll also hear from several "seasoned" parents at Grace Church and pastor Dave VanAcker will offer some opening and closing thoughts.

To wet your appetite on the subject of parenting, here is a clip by John Piper answering the question: "Would Jesus spank a child?"

Discipleship Starts in the Home

We are planning a parenting seminar for September 18-19 at Grace Church. The theme is about raising your kids to be followers of Jesus - disciping your children. I hope you can join us during this time.

Here are some related blog posts from Resurgence:

Thoughts on My Coming Vacation - 2009

Starting tomorrow, after church, I will start a two week vacation. Last summer I was challenged by C. J. Mahaney to look at the family vacation (as the husband and father) in a different way (see here):

Husbands are called by God to serve and lead. But we are all vulnerable to viewing the family vacation as a well-earned time away from work where we can rest and relax! But this attitude and approach to a vacation normally reveals a self-centeredness that does not please God or serve our families...

And you will know you are serving and leading effectively on your vacation when y

ou fall into bed at night more exhausted than at the end of the most grueling day of work. The father must enter family vacations committed to serve, lead, plan, initiate, and work, and do all this with joy. This isn’t your time to rest. Only your wife deserves to rest on vacation (because no one works harder than she does the rest of the year).

But for the husband, vacations are a unique opportunity to serve and lead and work harder in some ways than he does during the normal work week. But this kind of work is a pure joy like no other work. (Read the entire article here)

The pursuit of this goal last summer, though not perfectly attained, proved fruitful and very encouraging to myself, Molly and the kids. Most importantly, I believe God was glorified.

This summer, during our "stay-cation" (not going anywhere over night but STAYing home) I want to focus on 2 specific goals as I lead my family in this vacation:

• "Skillful Surprises" - Mahaney: "Effective surprises begin with studying each member of your family to discover what a meaningful and memorable surprise would involve. But trust me, each member of your family loves to be surprised."
• "Intentional Togetherness" - At the age my kids are at (6, 5, 3, 1) the best way to be together is by means of a "Stay-Cation". I love going to my parents or in-laws, but less quality time is spent just as a family. Right now (at this age) togetherness is not a thing the kids like to revolt against--they LOVE quality and quantity family time.
  

I guess we'll see how it goes. To God be the glory and from God must come the Help and Blessing...

Man Up - Sermon for Father's Day

This Sunday I will preach, Lord willing, a sermon for Father’s Day (June 21st) called “Man Up!” – Being a man of God, the Word, responsibility and grace.

1 Timothy 6:11 But as for you, O man of God, flee these things. Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness.

Please start your Father’s Day with worship with God’s people.

Join us for worship at Grace Church, Wyoming MN

9:15 - Sunday School
10:30 - Worship Service

Use the Summer to Learn with Your Kids

I enjoy following Dr. Al Mohler's blog at www.albertmohler.com. In one of his latest post, entitled "Avoid the Summer Brain Drain", Mohler gives some helpful tips to parents to use the summer to learn with your kids.

You can listen to him share this article or read it.



Read "Avoid the Summer Brain Drain"

New Kids CD - Sovereign Grace

Today the new Sovereign Grace Music kids' CD came out. My family loved the first CD, Awesome God, and we look forward to enjoying "To Be Like Jesus."

I love the rich God-centered lyrics (like "Mighty Savior" in the first CD) as well as the music.

Here is the info on the CD:

To Be Like Jesus contains twelve worship songs that teach the fruit of the Spirit in a creative and memorable way. Through these songs kids will learn that Jesus is our perfect example of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. More than that, they’ll discover that we can’t be like Jesus unless we trust in the power of his cross to forgive us and the power of his Spirit to change us.

You can buy the album for $12 and download all the songs for $9 here.

Teaching Your Kids How Insecure Their Lives Are

I am reading George Marsden's excellent biography on Jonathan Edwards. He spends some time talking about the Puritan upbringing of Edwards.

How different from our day - what modern parenting book has this design - "to teach children to recognize how insecure their lives [are]"?

Much of Puritan upbringing was designed to teach children to recognize how insecure their lives were. Every child knew of brothers, sisters, cousins, or friends who had suddenly died. Cotton Mather, under whose preaching Timothy had once sat, eventually lost thirteen of his fifteen children. Parents nightly reminded their children that sleep was a type of death that taught them such prayers as “This day is past; but tell me who can say / That I shall surely live another day.” The New England Primer illustrated the letter “T” with “Time cuts down all, both great and small” and a woodcut of the grim reaper. “Y” was “Youth forward slips, Death soonest nips” with a woodcut of Death holding a large arrow at a child’s head. One of the Edwards children's surviving writing exercises reads, “Nothing is more certain than death. Take no delay in the great work of preparing for death."

If life was uncertain and frightening, eternity was more so. Parents who themselves experienced God's saving grace and who lost children in infancy might have hopes in God's covenant promises of mercy from generation to generation. Young children might have saving grace, even if they did not live long enough for it to come to fruition in identifiable signs of conversion. One nighttime prayer (a form of which has long survived) was "Lord, if my Soul this night away thou take, / Let me by morning then in Heav'n awake." Yet no child was innocent or worthy of anything but eternal damnation. All were totally depraved. Not only would they sin as soon as they could, but they were also born guilty of the sins of the race. "In Adam's fall, we sinned all," was the first lesson in the New England Primer. Children soon learned that in their natural state they deserved the flames of hell. Only God's mysterious grace might rescue them. (Marsden, Jonathan Edwards: A Life, pp. 26-27)

Motherhood Is a Reflection of God

This morning I was given the privilege of speaking to several mothers during our church's "Moms and More" meeting.

My subject was -- "Motherhood as a reflection of the glory of God."

"How does motherhood uniquely reflect the glory of God?

Here are my notes with Scripture at our church media page.

Here are the 3 points I made: (2 Ways Motherhood reflects the Glory of God)

1. Through Bearing
Mothers have the privilege of reflecting the glory of God by bringing life into this world.

2. Through Sharing
Mothers have the privilege of reflecting the glory of God by nurturing their children.

3. Through Caring
Mothers have the privilege of reflecting the glory of God by their loving care towards their children.

"Bad Guys are Good - Right Dad?"

During family devotions tonight, my four year old son (Buddy) brought up the "bad guy" theme again (see "Are Bad Guys Real") when he made the comment after talking about Jesus dying on the cross:

Buddy: "So dad, bad guys, right dad?"

Me: "What do you mean, son?"

Buddy: "Bad guys put Jesus on the cross, right."

Me: "Yes, so why is that good, Buddy?"

Buddy: "Because Jesus' dying on the cross took away our sins."

Me: "You are right, Buddy, that Jesus died on the cross is good news. But the bad guys were still bad for killing Jesus and they need his forgiveness."

Little four year olds are listening and thinking and believing.

Teaching Your Kids to "Say Their Prayers"

Bedtime at home with four kids five and under is challenging. Often I find myself saying short prayers with little time to really focus and concentrate on what I am doing. I came across this interesting article and I thought I would share it with you.

BEDTIME PRAYER WITH OUR CHILDREN.

I would love to hear what you do and what you would suggest.

Lessons from a Grieving Mother - Molly Piper

Molly Piper is a friend from my seminary days (at Bethlehem). She is the daughter-in-law of John Piper and she writes this article about the grief she has and still experiences from the lost of her daughter through "stillbirth." I think it is helpful to read because it gives some helpful advice in how to help comfort those who are suffering from a great loss:

Molly writes:

A year ago I was seven months pregnant with our second child. We found out at our 18-week ultrasound, much to my delight, that this one was a girl. As the last months of pregnancy ambled on, we got more and more excited. We had done the boy thing already; we were ready for a daughter.

Everything was normal as the end of pregnancy drew near. There were no signs of a problem when I visited the doctor that final week. However, at 39 weeks and 4 days, I couldn't shake the feeling, “I haven't been feeling this baby move as much.”

We went to the hospital, not really alarmed, but concerned. When they couldn't find her heartbeat, mine beat fast enough and furiously enough for both of us, as though it were trying to live for her. Ultrasounds confirmed that our child had died.

We delivered her that day—September 22, 2007—Felicity Margaret Piper. She weighed 9 pounds, 5 ounces and was perfectly formed, though her umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck.

I had no category for “stillbirth” before this. Who gets 39 weeks into a smooth pregnancy and doesn't think they're definitely going to bring home their baby?

The road we've walked the past 10 months has been horribly difficult, the hardest thing we've ever walked through in our lives.

Here are some things I'd like people to know about me during this time. Maybe it will be helpful for you as you love other women you know who are living through the loss of a child.

You can read the rest of the blog here.

You can read Molly's blog here.

Defining the Sucessful Woman?

Here is a good and brief article from Boundless Line on what truly is a successful woman. Ted Slater writes (emphasis mine):

Successful Women
When you hear that term, what comes to mind?

A couple of days ago I was flipping through some old copies of my grad school alumni magazine. They featured current and former students who'd done well, who had gone on to write books, make waves in government, take on pastorates, receive teaching awards, produce prize-winning films, head up inner city missions, and so on.

And that was just the women.

The message is that "successful women," those whom we should honor for their leadership skills, are those who influence people on a large scale. The more people affected by the alumna, the more successful.

But what about those women who went on to influence a small group of people, and more deeply? What about those women who, with master's degrees in hand, chose to forgo acclaim and take on the humble responsibility of being mere mothers? Who exchanged the inch-deep significance of a sterile board room for the eternal significance of the family room?

It's enough that my alumni magazine promotes women pastors, a vocation with no biblical precedence. But by remaining silent about the influential role of full-time mother, they imply that such women may not be counted among the "successful."

I know it's a cliche, but perhaps it is so because it's so true: In their last moments, women will likely not regret having spent so few hours working for The Man. They'll regret not having spent as much time as they could with the ones they love. In the case of married women, that's likely to include their children.

It's fine to recognize the success of women outside the home. Let's also recognize the too-overlooked success of those who, as the saying goes, rock the cradle.

Um, did I mention that we're expecting our third daughter to be born this Friday? Not sure that's relevant.... ;-)

I am thankful for the many successful women I know who work harder than any successful business man or woman or pastor--my wife (Molly) is one of them.

You can go to the post here and read some of the comments.

Hard Words for Fathers - Part 3 - "Hold Your Pride Under"

Here is the third installment of Doug Wilson's "Hard Words for Fathers." If you haven't read the first two you can find them here.

As a parent myself, his words in this article were convicting and rung true to my own experience. He talks about listening to advice and constructive criticism from godly friends who may see your parenting situation more accurately. Beware of pride that will keep you from listening and may result in feeling offended.


Hold Your Pride Under
by Douglas Wilson

I said earlier that in your troubles with Jon, you needed to seek out someone who could help you, humble yourself and ask for that help. There is one other point that needs to made about this.

If the answer to your problem were obvious to you, then Jon wouldn't be an out of control discipline case. Neither would Mary, and we will need to talk about her later. Now, because the exact nature of the problem is not obvious to you, when you first seek out the input of someone who has biblical wisdom on these things, the chances are that what they say to you will have two characteristics. First, you will probably be surprised by what they say. Often, their input will tell you to do the exact opposite of what you thought you were supposed to be doing -- like trying to explain to a Southerner how to drive in snow. You have been trying to turn the wheel this way, but you actually should be trying to turn it the other way. Many aspects of this problem are because of the counterintuitive nature of the solution.

The second aspect of their input is a little more unpleasant. When you finally get real help, from someone who is really willing to tell you what is going on in your family, and how you got to the place where you are, it is in the highest degree likely that you or your wife, or both, will be offended. Part of the reason why you have gotten this far without hearing what you need to hear is that many of your friends instinctively know this. You will be tempted to think that the person who finally tells you "doesn't understand," or "doesn't care," or "has a simplistic approach," or "doesn't know your wife," and so on.

My point is not that the outside observer is perfect or omniscient. My point is that it is your son that is out of control, and you don't know why, and this other person is likely to have a better grasp of that than you do. And even if he doesn't, what good does it do to get offended? The temptation to take offense in a situation like this should be taken by you as a version of that children's game, where you tell the child he is getting warmer, warmer, warmer, until he finds the button. The more prickley and offended you feel yourself getting, the more godly advice is probably getting warmer, warmer, warmer. So fight the temptation to take offense. Roll with it.

Hard Words for Fathers - Part 2 - "Flipping Through the Yellow Pages"

Here is the second installment of "Hard Words for Fathers" by Douglas Wilson:

Flipping Through the Yellow Pages

By Douglas Wilson

So your son is out of control, and you feel helpless. You don't know what to do. If you tell him to do something, and he doesn't want to, he throws down and there you are. He is defiant, says that he hates everybody, and you know the rest of the drill.

And yet Scripture says the one who refuses to discipline his son hates his son. "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes"(Prov. 13:24). Yes, you might say, but you don't know how to spank, and whenever you have tried it, the whole thing turns into an even bigger disaster than what you have now. It seems to you that the only thing God lets you do is make excuses.

Two things. First, those who know you and the situation and who see it with biblical wisdom see that your son is pleading for someone to love him enough to draw limits and enforce them. You think to yourself that he sure doesn't act like he pleading for anything. He acts like he is demanding the world and everything in it. Sure, but the logic still makes sense. How outrageous and out of control does he have to get before someone will love him enough to intervene? The more outrageous it is, the more you think that you can't do anything. The more outrageous it is, he might think, the more it proves that absolutely nothing will get you to love him.

And second, the plea of ignorance won't wash. If you don't know how to handle this, then find out. If your son had a rare form of cancer, would flipping through the yellow pages for five minutes ("we looked for treatment providers, but came up short") be sufficient to discharge your fatherly duties? No. If you don't know how to deal with this, then find somebody who does. Move if you need to. And don't stop looking until you find someone. And when you find them, humble yourself and ask for real help.

Hard Words for Fathers - Part 1 - "A Barrier to Help"

I need help as a father. Raising kids in the discipline and instruction of the Lord is no easy task. I recently came across some helpful and convicting blog entries from Douglas Wilson called "Hard Words for Fathers." I am going to include them on this blog one at a time, one day at a time (at least). I need this advice and most likely, if you are a parent, so do you. Be honest as you read and be prepared to be convicted and helped.

A Barrier to Help

by Douglas Wilson at Blog and Mablog

Over the years, I have seen many hard cases of difficult kids not effectively loved by their fathers. Because I don't see the problem disappearing, I thought I would post a series of short pointed exhortations to a dad who has a problem child. The child actually has a problem dad, but the child doesn't think that. He is too confused, lost, and hurting to think about much of anything. I am going write these posts in the second person. I have no particular people in view; these problems should be taken as a composite. But I trust that some of those who read these posts here will see the applicability to their own situations. When I am talking about a boy I will call him Jon, and when she is a girl I will call her Mary.

* * *

You see Jon acting up in public settings and it embarrasses you. You know that there is a serious problem, and you find yourself frequently making generic excuses to people, but you don't do anything that will actually address the problem. You are not trying to help your son, but rather trying to smooth over awkward social situations for yourself. You are at church, and in front of others you ask Jon to do something for you, and he just stares at you and turns away. He ignores you, and so then you ignore him ignoring you. When he is gone, you make a lame joke to your friend about how Jon was up late last night, and is a real pain in the rear end when that happens.

One of the first things you need to recognize is that the central problem here is pride -- yours. There are people in your circle of friends or in your extended family who see the problem, and the causes of it, and who could very likely give you genuine, pointed help. But because of pride, these are the very people you are most likely to make excuses to, and are least likely to ask for their advice. You admire them, and their abilities with children, and so you are still trying to prove something to them instead of learning from them.

If the topic ever comes up, you may acknowledge that you have something of a problem, or a measure of difficulty, but you don't humble yourself completely. Because of this, the people who could really help you don't say everything they could; or they do and you don't hear it; or they do say it, and you hear it, but the next day your pride is back and most of their counsel is displaced by it.

But you don't want your pride to be the one barrier that prevents you from hearing what you need to hear, and learning what you need to learn. I am not talking about the people who think they know what your problem is -- I am talking about the people that you know understand what your problem is.

The Kindergarchy - Beware of Child-Centeredness

If you have kids or once upon a time you were a kid yourself, I would recommend reading Joseph Epstein's latest feature article in the Weekly Standard called "The Kindergarchy."

Epstein highlights the child-centeredness of our culture in comparison to how he was raised in the late 30s and 40s.

Although I do not agree with some of his conclusions or solutions, I think he highlights a dangerous attitude and sinful parental trend that has permeated our culture including Christian parents. He continually points out what he diagnoses as a over-attentiveness to children (our own children) that in the long run does more harm than good. It teaches them to think that they are significant in themselves and that they are the center of the universe.

Although Epstein conclusions and observations are not always biblically informed, and although I think he fails to acknowledge the sinful and negative tendencies and ways of his parent's generation (who raised the parents of the children of the sixties and seventies), he provides the modern day (or should I say -- "post modern") parent and former-child with a rather scary mirror and self-portrait. I encourage you to take a look and see how the culture of Kindergarchy has influenced you and your parenting.

Here is his article:

In America we are currently living in a Kindergarchy, under rule by children. People who are raising, or have recently raised, or have even been around children a fair amount in recent years will, I think, immediately sense what I have in mind. Children have gone from background to foreground figures in domestic life, with more and more attention centered on them, their upbringing, their small accomplishments, their right relationship with parents and grandparents. For the past 30 years at least, we have been lavishing vast expense and anxiety on our children in ways that are unprecedented in American and in perhaps any other national life. Such has been the weight of all this concern about children that it has exercised a subtle but pervasive tyranny of its own. This is what I call Kindergarchy: dreary, boring, sadly misguided Kindergarchy.

For the entire article, click here.