He Killed His Son for Me

“I killed my Son for you.”

That is all. I hear nothing else.

That is all I need to hear.

Tears begin to well up in my eyes. Tears that have not been shed since Piper was diagnosed. Healing tears for my parched soul.

I cannot imagine losing one of my children. Read Bob Kauflin's post at Worship Matters about a family's "drabble" (see what that means - fictionally story) as they wrestle with God over the reality of their 14 year old who is dying of cancer. Here it is - "Drabble from the Depths."

Here is the song that is referred which is written by Bob Kauflin.

Out of the Depths - Sovereign Grace Music

Help During a Miscarriage

During the winter, my sister had a miscarriage. She is young woman who loves the Lord and continues to suffer from the pain of this great loss. She is seeking to honor the Lord and grow in grace through this pain.

She sent me this very helpful article by Sue Nicewander and Jodi Jewell called Walking Through the Dark Valley of Miscarriage. My sister, April, said it has been a big help to her.

Almost everyone knows someone close who has miscarried. It is worth your read.

Here are some highlights of advice the article gives:
Walking Through the Dark Valley with Someone Who Has Had a Miscarriage

The following suggestions and principles may be used by believers in any setting to enhance biblical discipleship with someone who has experienced a miscarriage.

1. Listen Compassionately
Patiently listen without judging. Compassionate listening and careful questions are especially important with a mother who believes her pain has been dismissed as irrelevant or unimportant. Ruth comments, “I got the most help when people came beside me and grieved with me. When Christ said to mourn with those that mourn and rejoice with those that rejoice, He was right. It is very healing.”

2. Speak Carefully
Be sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit to know when to speak and when to be quiet. Don’t say something just to make yourself feel useful or helpful. And don’t try to fix the situation by rationalizing the experience, trying to reason away the pain, explaining the unexplainable or offering solutions for the loss.

Avoid pat answers such as “It is God’s way of handling deformities,” “God loved your baby so much that He wanted the baby with Him in heaven,” “Well, at least you have your other child(ren),” “I know how you feel,” “God planned it this way,” “It wasn’t really a baby,” or “You can try again.” Such comments are not only insensitive, but they deny the inscrutable transcendence of our God who often does not choose to supply answers.

And please don’t say “I’m praying for you” unless you’re actually going to pray. Jodi said she became tired of hearing those words because she didn’t believe them. “I’ll pray for you” is a common Christian lie. Prove you are praying by immediately stopping to pray with the parents. Then let them know that you will continue to pray for them and how you are approaching God on their behalf. Periodically ask if they have further needs for which you may pray. Then pray.

3. Be Patient
Scripture allows for time to mourn (Eccl. 3:1,4,7). Give parents the time and pace they need to grieve. “Let the parent cry with you,” Jodi advises. “This is probably the most important thing you can do.” Rather than apologizing for your ineptitude when the mother’s tears flow, express your compassion at her suffering. Be careful to express sorrow rather than disapproval. Ruth was criticized for weeping, but she wisely answered from Psalm 56: “God knows of our tears. He even has a bottle to collect them. It is okay for me to grieve. I don’t have to pretend that everything is okay. I just lost my baby.”

4. Share the Word of God
Let the parents ask tough questions without condemning them. Guide them to base their questions on the true character of God, then search Scripture together for the answers. Scripture was important to everyone we interviewed, especially passages concerning God’s unfailing love and sovereignty. Here are many of the passages they mentioned to be a help: Ps. 25:16-18a Ps. 27:4-5 & 6b Ps. 28:7 Ps. 34:18 Psalm 100:5 Isa. 40:11 James 4:7 Job 41-43 Jer. 1:4-5 Rom. 8:18-27; 35-39 Hebrews 4:15-16 1 Peter 2:18-21

5. Offer Comfort
Give cards and words of love, but not too many words. Be sensitive without ignoring the pain. Matt affirms that “It was best not to say too much. Mostly I just wanted to know that people cared about us and were praying for us.” Be careful not to stay too long or to talk too much, even when offering Scripture. Suggest spiritual music and God-focused journaling…

6. Get More Help
Informal counseling offered by friends can be very effective when the counsel is biblical. Enlist other friends to take time to sit with the grieving parents, to be available at critical junctures, to listen without feeling compelled to talk, and to be prepared to offer timely help from Scripture.

Arrange for practical help, such as child care, laundry, meals, shopping, rides, and so forth. Offer specific help, not “Call if you need anything.” Encourage biblical counsel from a mature Christian who is familiar and comfortable. “I felt a paradox of desperately wanting counsel, but also feeling so vulnerable that I didn’t feel I could trust anyone new to give me the real truth,” says Anita.


ADVICE TO COUNSELORS

1. Identify the parents’ yearnings and questions.
2. Help them express grief.
3. Identify with their suffering. Point to God as our comforter.
4. Be aware of self-pity and wallowing in anger, fear, or despair.
5. Encourage them to build their relationship with God.
6. Emphasize hope through worship.
7. Work to strengthen the marriage.
8. Show how they can minister to others who have suffered miscarriage.

Read the entire article here.

Don't Waste Your Pain

The following is a modified version of John Piper’s introduction and main points of “Don’t Waste Your Cancer.” Piper wrote this after being diagnosed with prostate cancer and on the eve of his surgery. The Bible consistently points us to the reality that God uses and even brings sickness and trial (pain) to make us more like Jesus (sanctification). For His children He works all things together for their good (Rom. 8:28). Piper attempts to challenge us that, while it is appropriate to pray for healing or deliverance, it is quite possible to waste so much of what God graciously has in store for us in the midst of our pain. I have shaped the ten points that he made to a more general application – from cancer to pain of all sorts. After each point, I have included the original point that applies specifically to cancer. I have also included some Scripture that relates to each point. You can read “Don’t Waste Your Cancer” here.

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I write this to those who are facing a trial or crisis in their life—big or small; physical, spiritual, relational or emotional. I believe in God’s power to deliver from pain—by miracle and by medicine. I believe it is right and good to pray for both kinds of deliverance. Trials of all kinds are not wasted when God miraculous or providentially takes it away and delivers a person from affliction (Psalm 34). He gets the glory and that is why trials of all kind exist. So not to pray for deliverance may waste your pain. But deliverance or healing is not God’s plan for everyone. And there are many other ways to waste your pain. I am praying for myself and for you that we will not waste our pain.

1. You will waste your pain if you do not believe it is designed for you by God.
Romans 8:28; Job 1:21-22; 42:11 2 Cor. 12:7-10
You will waste your cancer if you do not believe it is designed for you by God.

2. You will waste your pain if you believe it is a curse and not a gift.
Romans 5:1-5; 8:1; 8:18-39; Psalm 84:11; James 1:2-5, 1 Peter 1:3-9
You will waste your cancer if you believe it is a curse and not a gift.

3. You will waste your pain if you seek comfort from your odds rather than from God.
Psalm 20:7; 2 Cor. 1:9; 2 Chron. 16
You will waste your cancer if you seek comfort from your odds rather than from God.

4. You will waste your pain if you refuse to think about death.
Eccl. 7:2; Psalm 90:12
You will waste your cancer if you refuse to think about death.

5. You will waste your pain if you think that “overcoming” the trial means deliverance from the painful circumstances rather than cherishing Christ.
Philippians 3:8; 1:21; 2 Cor. 12:7-10; Col. 1:24
You will waste your cancer if you think that “beating” cancer means staying alive rather than cherishing Christ.

6. You will waste your pain if you spend too much time reading about your pain and not enough time reading about the Answer to All Problems—God.
Hosea 6:3; Daniel 11:32; Psalm 1; Psalm 34:5
You will waste your cancer if you spend too much time reading about cancer and not enough time reading about God.

7. You will waste your pain if you let it drive you into solitude instead of deepen your relationships with manifest affection.
Phil. 2:26-27; 1:21-26; Psalm 34
You will waste your cancer if you let it drive you into solitude instead of deepen your relationships with manifest affection.

8. You will waste your pain if you grieve as those who have no hope.
1 Thess. 4:13; 2 Cor. 5:8; 2 Cor. 1:7; Romans 8:18
You will waste your cancer if you grieve as those who have no hope.

9. You will waste your pain if you treat sin as casually as before.
Psalm 119:67; 71; 1 Peter 4:1-2
You will waste your cancer if you treat sin as casually as before.

10. You will waste your pain if you fail to use it as a means of witness to the truth and glory of Christ.
Luke 21:12-23; 1 Cor. 10:31; Phil. 4:22; Romans 4:18-20
You will waste your cancer if you fail to use it as a means of witness to the truth and glory of Christ.

Funeral for an Infant Today

Please pray for much grace to be poured down on the family, friends and pastors during the funeral of Sophia (7 weeks). Sophia died in her home unexpectedly last Saturday night (see here).

The funeral will be held at the funeral home at 1 PM and the meal will be at the church at 3 PM.

Pastor Dave, who with his wife, has amazingly and graciously ministered to the parents of Sophia and extended family. Dave and Gerri are their neighbors.

Needless to say, the family is hurting very badly. Dave asked me to give a funeral sermon. Please pray for me and for the family as they listen. I pray that God would use it to point them to the sympathetic, compassionate and effective Counselor of the Crushed Soul.

Here is my sermon:

"UNLESS I HAD BELIEVED TO SEE THE GOODNESS OF THE LORD"

Psalms 27:13-14 I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. (14) Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD. (KJV)

I realize that no one wants to be here this afternoon. The past seven days has been filled with unthinkable anguish of soul. It has been a week of horror and hurt, sadness and emotional sickness.

Maybe you feel somewhat akin to what the Psalmist wrote:

Psalms 69:1-3 Save me, O God; for the waters are come in unto my soul. (2) I sink in deep mire, where there is no standing: I am come into deep waters, where the floods overflow me. (3) I am weary of my crying: my throat is dried: mine eyes fail while I wait for my God. (KJV)

I am not naïve enough to think that I can get up and share a few words and expect the pain and sorrow to go away. But I want to share words of hope to you that will earnestly point you to the One who can heal. I want to share words with you that will honor the death of dear Sophia and help you truly live and grow in a way that will make her death not in vain.

David wrote in desperation in Psalm 27:

Psalms 27:13-14 I had fainted [or – I would have despaired], unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. (14) Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD. (KJV)


I want to share with you 3 words of comfort concerning the goodness of the LORD.

1. Sophia is in the hands of her loving Maker and Merciful God.

I bring to you much hope this morning when I ponder the location of Sophia’s soul. Not because I sentimentally believe babies are without sin. We are born in our sins and even babies need a great Savior. But given the fact that she did not have what we would think of as the mental capacity to repent of her sins and sincerely believe in Jesus – I have much hope that she is with Jesus (Rom 1:19-20 says that those who see creation are without excuse – I don’t think babies can “process nature” yet see John Piper). I believe that some day in the final Judgment she will in great mercy be found covered by the blood of Jesus, forgiven and righteous in Christ because God has given her faith in His Son, Jesus. I don’t understand fully – but I think it most likely that she has been given mature capacities right now to enjoy Jesus Christ and implications of this is great for Psalm 16:11 says that in His presence is fullness of joy and at His right hand are pleasures evermore.

She is in the hands of the Father who forsaketh not His little ones. Be comforted by the goodness of the Lord that is surrounding your little girl. His hands are mighty and tender. In 2 Sam. 12:23, David who had just lost his infant son cried out to God – “He is dead…I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me.”


2. Jesus is a sympathetic, compassionate and effective Counselor of the Crushed Spirit.

Behold the goodness of the Lord in the man of sorrows. We just marked the night in which he cried out to God for help as he sweat great drops of blood in the garden. He bore the cup of anguish and horror as he drank the full wrath of God. No man has suffered more emotional anguish and pain that Jesus Christ. I present Him to you as a sympathetic, compassionate and effective Counselor for your souls.

Sympathetic:
Hebrews 4:15-16 For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. (16) Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.

Come to him and give him your life. Look fully to the One who suffered and understands all pain. He says come to me and I will give you life. He is the only way to rest, comfort and the fulfillment of hope. But He is not only the way to comfort and hope – He is the Great Comfort and Hope. When we have Him we have everything.

Compassionate:
Matthew 9:36 But when he saw the multitudes, he was moved with compassion on them, because they fainted, and were scattered abroad, as sheep having no shepherd.

In John 11 we read that Jesus wept.

Jesus is not unaffected by our suffering and pain. He knows and He cares. Look to Him.

Effective:
Luke 4:18-21 The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised, (19) To preach the acceptable year of the Lord. (20) And he closed the book, and he gave it again to the minister, and sat down. And the eyes of all them that were in the synagogue were fastened on him. (21) And he began to say unto them, This day is this scripture fulfilled in your ears. (from Isaiah 61)

He is not only a good sympathizer who is compassionate – He gives results: “to heal the brokenhearted.” Which really leads to my last word of comfort on the goodness of the Lord:


3. God promises to do many miracles now and in the future to those who look to the Son (with sincere repentance and belief).

One of the biggest miracles that you could possibly imagine (or not imagine) is the removal or healing of your inner soul pain or the wiping away of tears. It does take a miracle. Here is the application of the fact that Jesus is an Effective Counselor of our souls if we give ourselves to Him without restraint and trust fully in Him with all our lives.

This is not an overnight thing but here is the future promise that I want to offer to you:

Revelation 21:3-5 And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God. (4) And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. (5) And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful.

Psalms 27:13-14 I had fainted [or – I would have despaired], unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. (14) Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD. (KJV)

I don't expect you to fully see right now, but look to the goodness of the Lord and do not despair but turn and believe wholehearted on Jesus.
Do it now and for the rest of your life! He will not fail you!

Why God Doesn't Always Heal?

Here is a good article by Sam Storms entitled -- "Why God Doesn't Always Heal?"

In the article Storms gives seven reasons:

In the final analysis, virtually everything about healing remains a mystery. I don't mind saying that I'm weary of those who claim to reduce healing to a formula or a manageable cause and effect phenomenon in which we can know with certainty why some are healed and why others are not. I've labored in this meditation to avoid falling into that trap. That said, I would like to suggest that the reason why many are not healed may possibly be answered in any one of seven ways.

1. A lack of faith. (see the article for his explanations)
2. The presence of sin.
3. Some don't want to be healed.
4. They don't ask.
5. Demonic oppression has not been dealt with.
6. The mystery of God's providence.

7. Often times there are dimensions of spiritual growth and moral development and increase in the knowledge of God in us that he desires MORE than our physical health, experiences that in his wisdom God has determined can only be attained by means or in the midst of or in response to less than perfect physical health. In other words, healing the sick is a good thing (and we should never cease to pray for it), but often there is a better thing that can only be attained by means of physical weakness. More important to God than our physical health is our spiritual holiness.

Lessons from a Grieving Mother - Molly Piper

Molly Piper is a friend from my seminary days (at Bethlehem). She is the daughter-in-law of John Piper and she writes this article about the grief she has and still experiences from the lost of her daughter through "stillbirth." I think it is helpful to read because it gives some helpful advice in how to help comfort those who are suffering from a great loss:

Molly writes:

A year ago I was seven months pregnant with our second child. We found out at our 18-week ultrasound, much to my delight, that this one was a girl. As the last months of pregnancy ambled on, we got more and more excited. We had done the boy thing already; we were ready for a daughter.

Everything was normal as the end of pregnancy drew near. There were no signs of a problem when I visited the doctor that final week. However, at 39 weeks and 4 days, I couldn't shake the feeling, “I haven't been feeling this baby move as much.”

We went to the hospital, not really alarmed, but concerned. When they couldn't find her heartbeat, mine beat fast enough and furiously enough for both of us, as though it were trying to live for her. Ultrasounds confirmed that our child had died.

We delivered her that day—September 22, 2007—Felicity Margaret Piper. She weighed 9 pounds, 5 ounces and was perfectly formed, though her umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck.

I had no category for “stillbirth” before this. Who gets 39 weeks into a smooth pregnancy and doesn't think they're definitely going to bring home their baby?

The road we've walked the past 10 months has been horribly difficult, the hardest thing we've ever walked through in our lives.

Here are some things I'd like people to know about me during this time. Maybe it will be helpful for you as you love other women you know who are living through the loss of a child.

You can read the rest of the blog here.

You can read Molly's blog here.

Do You Want an Explanation from God for Pain?

While on vacation I read this post on pain and the sovereignty of God. I think it's worth your read and meditation.

Why God Doesn't Fully Explain Pain

July 14, 2008 | By: John Piper

One of the reasons God rarely gives micro reasons for his painful providences, but regularly gives magnificent macro reasons, is that there are too many micro reasons for us to manage, namely, millions and millions and millions and millions and millions.

God says things like:

• These bad things happened to you because I intend to work it together for your good (Romans 8).
• These happened so that you would rely more on God who raises the dead (2 Corinthians 1).
• This happened so that the gold and silver of your faith would be refined (1 Peter 1).
• This thorn is so that the power of Christ would be magnified in your weakness (2 Corinthians 12).

But we can always object that there are other easier ways for God to accomplish those things. We want to know more specifics: Why now? Why this much? Why this often? Why this way? Why these people?

The problem is, we would have to be God to grasp all that God is doing in our problems. In fact, pushing too hard for more detailed explanations from God is a kind of demand that we be God.

Think of this, you are a blacksmith making horseshoes. You are hammering on a white hot shoe and it ricochets off and hits you in the leg and burns you. In your haste to tend to your leg you let the shoe alone unfinished. You wonder why God let this happen. You were singing a hymn and doing his will.

Your helper, not knowing the horseshoe was unfinished gathered it up and put it with the others.

Later there was an invasion of your country by a hostile army with a powerful cavalry. They came through your town and demanded that you supply them with food and with shoes for their horses. You comply.

Their commander has his horse shoed by his own smith using the stolen horseshoes, and the unfinished shoe with the thin weak spot is put on the commander’s horse.

In the decisive battle against the loyal troops defending your homeland the enemy commander is leading the final charge. The weak shoe snaps and catches on a root and causes his horse to fall. He crashes to the ground and his own soldiers, galloping at full speed, trample him to death.

This causes such a confusion that the defenders are able to rout the enemy and the country is saved.

Now you might say, well, it would sure help me trust God if he informed me of these events so that I would know why the horseshoe ricocheted and burned my leg. Well maybe it would help you. Maybe not.

God cannot make plain all he is doing, because there are millions and millions and millions and millions of effects of every event in your life, the good and the bad. God guides them all. They all have micro purposes and macro purposes. He cannot tell you all of them because your brain can’t hold all of them.

Trust does not demand more than God has told us. And he has given us immeasurably precious promises that he is in control of all things and only does good to his children. And he has given us a very thick book where we can read story after story after story about how he rules for the good of his people.

Let’s trust him and not ask for what our brains cannot contain.