Relationships - A Mess Worth Making

Over the past few weeks I read an outstanding book by Tim Lane and Paul Tripp called Relationships: A Mess Worth Making. The title itself is worth the price of the book. The book was no disappointment. It has been very timely to read this book as I prepare to preach through the second half of the book of Ephesians (4-6). In these chapters, Paul is concerned that Christians live out their salvation in the context of the messiness of relationship.

Here are 8 important points from the book that give us a biblical perspective on our relationships with other people:

• You were made for relationships
• In some way, all relationships are difficult
• Each of us is tempted to make relationships the end rather than the means
• There are no secrets that guarantee problem-free relationships
• At some point you will wonder whether relationships are worth it
• God keeps us in messy relationships for his redemptive purposes
• The fact that our relationships work as well as they do is a sure sign of grace
• Scripture offers a clear hope for our relationships

I thank God that he keeps us in messy relationships for His redemptive purposes! He is in the process of restoration and sanctification.

Living in a Broken-Down House

I experienced it this morning when I woke up and I haven't gone one hour without be reminded by the reality of its presence. I live in a broken-down house. No, I am not talking about my home in Forest Lake, I am talking about this world and everyone in it--including myself.

This current state of affairs is the result of man's sin. God created a beautiful world and yet we rebelliously thought we could rule and manage it better than He could. The folly of our decision is seen all around us. If you need some convincing, read the headlines, watch the news, check your friend's Facebook status, and talk to people and you will know what I mean. However, the good news is that the Creator of this house is in a glorious restoration process based on His Son's work on the Cross. Through His Son, Jesus, He is committed to redeeming what is now broken. He has and is in the process of transforming sinners into Christ-like beings through GRACE. Yes, if we are truly saved it's because we are recipients of grace. Only people who understand their sinfulness can properly appreciate the magnitude of this grace, and only those who have experienced this grace can truly be honest and courageous enough to deal with their sinfulness. It is hard to be productive when everything is a mess. I can't stand having my desk cluttered much less a house in half-disrepair. I remember several years ago when we were refinishing the floors in our kitchen and dining room. I found, at times, it almost debilitating to do anything while the mess/project was still open. We are called to live in a house that is broken-down and is in the process of renovation and we are called to live productively. How?

Paul David Tripp gives a wise and winsome answer to this question as He biblically takes on the subjects of sin, grace, hope, sanctification, faith, waiting, righteous anger, love, ministering, community and worship in his book--Broken-Down House: Living Productively in a World Gone Bad. This is a book that, thought delivered from Amazon.com, was a timely message from God to my soul over the past two weeks.

Tripp warns us of the dangers of location and identity amnesia. We practically or functionally forgot where we live and who we really are. We live in a broken-down house and as Christians our identity is founded upon the two pillars of sinner and child of grace. He does a great job explaining and illustrating what he means and how this practically plays itself out in real life--in marriage, parenting, work, church, ministry, hardships, disappointments, etc.

Here is a video promotion of the book by the author:



Needless to say, I highly recommend Paul Tripp (and his other books) and his book - Broken-Down House.

Fear and Need

Edward Welch's book Running Scared is excellent. He deals with fear, worry and the God of rest. He challenges us to listen to our fears to hear what they say about ourselves. Fears tell us that we are in danger, that we are vulnerable to that danger and that we have a great need. Here is an important thought to ponder:

Another way of expressing our personal vulnerability is through our experience of need. There is a close connection between what we fear and what we think we need.

If we need comfort, we will fear physical pain.
If we need approval from others, we will fear being criticized.
If we need love, we will fear rejection.
If we need admiration for our attractiveness, we will fear getting fat.

Whatever you need is a mere stone's throw from what you fear.
Two prominent categories of fear are those fears related to money and people. Their power to provoke fear is directly related to how much we need them. If we need what people can give us, they are in control and we will fear them. If we need what money can give us, we will notice rising insecurities whenever we do the bills. (p. 41)

He Killed His Son for Me

“I killed my Son for you.”

That is all. I hear nothing else.

That is all I need to hear.

Tears begin to well up in my eyes. Tears that have not been shed since Piper was diagnosed. Healing tears for my parched soul.

I cannot imagine losing one of my children. Read Bob Kauflin's post at Worship Matters about a family's "drabble" (see what that means - fictionally story) as they wrestle with God over the reality of their 14 year old who is dying of cancer. Here it is - "Drabble from the Depths."

Here is the song that is referred which is written by Bob Kauflin.

Out of the Depths - Sovereign Grace Music

Help During a Miscarriage

During the winter, my sister had a miscarriage. She is young woman who loves the Lord and continues to suffer from the pain of this great loss. She is seeking to honor the Lord and grow in grace through this pain.

She sent me this very helpful article by Sue Nicewander and Jodi Jewell called Walking Through the Dark Valley of Miscarriage. My sister, April, said it has been a big help to her.

Almost everyone knows someone close who has miscarried. It is worth your read.

Here are some highlights of advice the article gives:
Walking Through the Dark Valley with Someone Who Has Had a Miscarriage

The following suggestions and principles may be used by believers in any setting to enhance biblical discipleship with someone who has experienced a miscarriage.

1. Listen Compassionately
Patiently listen without judging. Compassionate listening and careful questions are especially important with a mother who believes her pain has been dismissed as irrelevant or unimportant. Ruth comments, “I got the most help when people came beside me and grieved with me. When Christ said to mourn with those that mourn and rejoice with those that rejoice, He was right. It is very healing.”

2. Speak Carefully
Be sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit to know when to speak and when to be quiet. Don’t say something just to make yourself feel useful or helpful. And don’t try to fix the situation by rationalizing the experience, trying to reason away the pain, explaining the unexplainable or offering solutions for the loss.

Avoid pat answers such as “It is God’s way of handling deformities,” “God loved your baby so much that He wanted the baby with Him in heaven,” “Well, at least you have your other child(ren),” “I know how you feel,” “God planned it this way,” “It wasn’t really a baby,” or “You can try again.” Such comments are not only insensitive, but they deny the inscrutable transcendence of our God who often does not choose to supply answers.

And please don’t say “I’m praying for you” unless you’re actually going to pray. Jodi said she became tired of hearing those words because she didn’t believe them. “I’ll pray for you” is a common Christian lie. Prove you are praying by immediately stopping to pray with the parents. Then let them know that you will continue to pray for them and how you are approaching God on their behalf. Periodically ask if they have further needs for which you may pray. Then pray.

3. Be Patient
Scripture allows for time to mourn (Eccl. 3:1,4,7). Give parents the time and pace they need to grieve. “Let the parent cry with you,” Jodi advises. “This is probably the most important thing you can do.” Rather than apologizing for your ineptitude when the mother’s tears flow, express your compassion at her suffering. Be careful to express sorrow rather than disapproval. Ruth was criticized for weeping, but she wisely answered from Psalm 56: “God knows of our tears. He even has a bottle to collect them. It is okay for me to grieve. I don’t have to pretend that everything is okay. I just lost my baby.”

4. Share the Word of God
Let the parents ask tough questions without condemning them. Guide them to base their questions on the true character of God, then search Scripture together for the answers. Scripture was important to everyone we interviewed, especially passages concerning God’s unfailing love and sovereignty. Here are many of the passages they mentioned to be a help: Ps. 25:16-18a Ps. 27:4-5 & 6b Ps. 28:7 Ps. 34:18 Psalm 100:5 Isa. 40:11 James 4:7 Job 41-43 Jer. 1:4-5 Rom. 8:18-27; 35-39 Hebrews 4:15-16 1 Peter 2:18-21

5. Offer Comfort
Give cards and words of love, but not too many words. Be sensitive without ignoring the pain. Matt affirms that “It was best not to say too much. Mostly I just wanted to know that people cared about us and were praying for us.” Be careful not to stay too long or to talk too much, even when offering Scripture. Suggest spiritual music and God-focused journaling…

6. Get More Help
Informal counseling offered by friends can be very effective when the counsel is biblical. Enlist other friends to take time to sit with the grieving parents, to be available at critical junctures, to listen without feeling compelled to talk, and to be prepared to offer timely help from Scripture.

Arrange for practical help, such as child care, laundry, meals, shopping, rides, and so forth. Offer specific help, not “Call if you need anything.” Encourage biblical counsel from a mature Christian who is familiar and comfortable. “I felt a paradox of desperately wanting counsel, but also feeling so vulnerable that I didn’t feel I could trust anyone new to give me the real truth,” says Anita.


ADVICE TO COUNSELORS

1. Identify the parents’ yearnings and questions.
2. Help them express grief.
3. Identify with their suffering. Point to God as our comforter.
4. Be aware of self-pity and wallowing in anger, fear, or despair.
5. Encourage them to build their relationship with God.
6. Emphasize hope through worship.
7. Work to strengthen the marriage.
8. Show how they can minister to others who have suffered miscarriage.

Read the entire article here.

Peacemaker Home School Forum

MACHE (Minnesota Association of Christian Home Educators) is hosting an event tonight at Grace Church Roseville on Peacemaking Solutions -- Biblical Answers Offered for Solving Differences at Home, School, Church and Work.

Check out this event and the information at http://www.mache.org/FallSymposiumAnnounce.htm

The Power of Words - DG Conference

Last Friday and Saturday I had the privilege of going to the Desiring God Conference in Minneapolis and the theme was -- "The Power of Words." I did not get to hear Dan Taylor on Saturday afternoon or Piper on Sunday morning but the four I heard were great.

This was the order in which they impacted me -- my rankings (top 3).

1. Paul David Tripp - War of Words - Getting to the heart for God's sake
2. Mark Driscoll -- How Sharp the Edge? Christ, Controversy and Cutting Words
3. Bob Kauflin -- Words of Wonder - What Happens when we Sing?

Here is the media links for video and audio of the talks:

The Tongue, the Bridle, and the Blessing: An Exposition of James 3:1-12

Desiring God 2008 National Conference

James 3:1-12

September 26, 2008

Sinclair Ferguson

Read | Listen | Watch |

Download: Audio | Video

Panel Discussion - Piper, Driscoll, and Ferguson

Desiring God 2008 National Conference

September 26, 2008

Various

Read | Listen | Watch |

Download: Audio | Video

Words of Wonder: What Happens When We Sing?

Desiring God 2008 National Conference

September 27, 2008

Bob Kauflin

Read | Listen | Watch |

Download: Audio | Video

How Sharp the Edge? Christ, Controversy, and Cutting Words

Desiring God 2008 National Conference

September 27, 2008

Mark Driscoll

Read | Listen | Watch |

Download: Audio | Video

The Life-Shaping Power of Story: God’s and Ours

Desiring God 2008 National Conference

September 27, 2008

Dan Taylor

Read | Listen | Watch |

Download: Audio | Video

Panel Discussion - Piper, Tripp, Kauflin, and Taylor

Desiring God 2008 National Conference

September 27, 2008

Various

Read | Listen | Watch |

Download: Audio | Video

War of Words: Getting to the Heart for God's Sake

Desiring God 2008 National Conference

September 27, 2008

Paul Tripp

Read | Listen | Watch |

Download: Audio | Video

Is There Christian Eloquence? Clear Words and the Wonder of the Cross

Desiring God 2008 National Conference

September 28, 2008

John Piper

Read | Listen | Watch |

Letter of Thanks from Chris Starr

Last week I posted something about my friend, pastor Chris Starr, who lost his daughter by his mistake of leaving her in the van on a hot Sunday afternoon (read here).

Many of you have been praying for Chris and have sent him cards, emails, flowers, and various expressions of love and support.

You can email him at pastorchris@mtziononline.org and here is a letter of thanks that he has recently sent out:

Dear Family & Friends,

We want to thank you so much for your notes of comfort, words of encouragement, and most importantly your prayers. We have never faced grief and sorrow to this degree in our lives. Through the shock, grief, and pain, we feel as though are hearts have been ripped out of our chests. We loved Cassie with all our hearts. Certainly, our hearts are completely broken.

The love and support from friends and family, and church, and those we don’t even know has been overwhelming. We don’t know how to say thank you to so many people and wish we could write everyone individually. We have sensed the thousands of prayers that have gone up on our behalf and God’s grace has been sufficient to help us through each day. Each card, email, phone call, visit, flower, and words of love have helped to comfort us. Thank you so much for the love and concern you have showed to our family.

Our God has been our anchor in this storm. Please don’t stop praying for us as I know that grieving is not once and done, but a process. Our heart’s desire is to glorify our God and that we might better be able to help others through their personal tragedies. I know God will teach us so much through this trial. A couple of verses that have been anchors for us to hold onto during this time include:

Psalms 138:3
³ In the day when I cried thou answeredst me, and strengthenedst me with strength in my soul.

Psalms 71:3
³ Be thou my strong habitation, whereunto I may continually resort: thou hast given commandment to save me; for thou art my rock and my fortress.

Pray for my friend, Chris Starr - Whose baby died by his mistake

I went to college and worked at camp with Chris Starr. Chris is an associate pastor of a church in York, PA and on Sunday his world was tipped upside down. After church he accidentally left his 15 month old girl in the car while he brought groceries into the house. Cassie was quietly sleeping and Chris forgot to get her until 3 hours later. The temp in the minivan was around 130 and they found the girl dead (heat stroke).

You can read the story here and a follow up article about the response of people reacting to this tragedy.

Reading the comments in this second article is very saddening. It is very easy to stand back and critically attack people when you are far from the situation. I know Chris, a godly and responsible man (he was an R. A.) and the pain must be unbelievable. Please pray for Chris, his wife (Jenny) and their 3 other kids.

This is a time to reserve judgment and show love, mercy and compassion.

Eph 4:29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Lessons from a Grieving Mother - Molly Piper

Molly Piper is a friend from my seminary days (at Bethlehem). She is the daughter-in-law of John Piper and she writes this article about the grief she has and still experiences from the lost of her daughter through "stillbirth." I think it is helpful to read because it gives some helpful advice in how to help comfort those who are suffering from a great loss:

Molly writes:

A year ago I was seven months pregnant with our second child. We found out at our 18-week ultrasound, much to my delight, that this one was a girl. As the last months of pregnancy ambled on, we got more and more excited. We had done the boy thing already; we were ready for a daughter.

Everything was normal as the end of pregnancy drew near. There were no signs of a problem when I visited the doctor that final week. However, at 39 weeks and 4 days, I couldn't shake the feeling, “I haven't been feeling this baby move as much.”

We went to the hospital, not really alarmed, but concerned. When they couldn't find her heartbeat, mine beat fast enough and furiously enough for both of us, as though it were trying to live for her. Ultrasounds confirmed that our child had died.

We delivered her that day—September 22, 2007—Felicity Margaret Piper. She weighed 9 pounds, 5 ounces and was perfectly formed, though her umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck.

I had no category for “stillbirth” before this. Who gets 39 weeks into a smooth pregnancy and doesn't think they're definitely going to bring home their baby?

The road we've walked the past 10 months has been horribly difficult, the hardest thing we've ever walked through in our lives.

Here are some things I'd like people to know about me during this time. Maybe it will be helpful for you as you love other women you know who are living through the loss of a child.

You can read the rest of the blog here.

You can read Molly's blog here.

The Packers, Favre and Lessons About Communication

If you are sports fans you can't avoid it, and if you are a Packer's fan you can't help keeping an eye on the horrible dismantling of a relationship between the management of a big football franchise and their legendary quarterback. If you are neither, you may need a quick course to get you up to speed.

• In March, Brett Favre (holder of almost every important quarterback record in the NFL) announced his retirement to the sports world with tears and emotion.
• In late June he told Packers that he was getting the itch to play again and would like to come back.
• The coach said it was too late and that the Packers had moved on.
• It was leaked to the media that Favre wanted to come back but the Packer leadership was on vacation and would not make a statement.
• The Packers formally announced that he couldn't come back except as a backup to a quarterback who had never started a game.
• Favre went on Foxnews with Greta Van Susteren and divulged private conversations and basically called the Packer's General Manager a liar.
  
• Favre asked the Packers to release him from the team so he could play elsewhere, but they refused.
• The Packers charged Favre and the Vikings for tampering -- having conversations with Favre about coming to their team against league policy.
  

And on and on it has went...

Personally, I can see both sides of the affair. I want Favre back as a quarterback and I can understand why the Packers are "moving on."

Mike Vandermause of the Green Bay Press Gazette wrote an interesting article yesterday on the failure of communication. You can read the whole article here. He writes:

“I think there are so many lessons to learn from this,” McCarthy said. “I think the first aspect you have to look closely at is communication. Usually when you have problems and things get to the point that we’re in right now, it’s potentially a problem.”

That cuts to the heart of this matter, and it goes both ways. There are strong indications that weak communication led to this unpleasant, pending breakup.

To cite one telling example, Favre essentially called Thompson a liar in a national cable TV interview two weeks ago, yet in a pair of 45-minute telephone conversations between the two on Saturday, that topic never came up.

“I’ve never had a bad conversation with Brett,” Thompson said.

That’s not necessarily a positive thing. If neither side has the fortitude to address difficult issues, it’s not surprising their relationship is on the rocks.

Had Favre and Thompson been more forthcoming with each other, the controversy swirling around the team could have been avoided.

This is such a good example of what happens among people in all areas of life including the family and church.

Here are a few lessons that I see that relate to me, the church and communication in general:

1. Don't avoid conflict (see the final paragraph of the quote). Avoiding it only makes things worse. This doesn't mean you have to handle things aggressively, but being speaking the truth in love is important.
   
2. Don't try to win a conflict by including third parties sounding boards or spokespersons. Favre should not have used the stage of Foxnews to tell his story if he wanted to truly work to resolve this conflict. It only made things worse.
   
3. Get together and talk as much as possible and don't use indirect messengers. There has been too much indirect communication through the media, agents, office spokespersons, etc.
4. When you make a mistake just admit it. I think Favre would have helped his cause greatly if he would have been honest about his mistake to retire. Instead he put the blame on the Packers who wanted a decision too soon.
5. Avoid responding out of frustration and weigh your words carefully. Ted Thomson (Packers GM) should never had publicly (through the media) told Favre that he could come back but that he would be a backup. This was insulting. Even if it is true it is not a wise thing to say.
6. Be willing to be humble enough and forgive. Both parties need to humble themselves and forgive one another. This doesn't mean that Favre should get his way, but it does mean that Thompson should let him play this year for some team (as horrible as that sounds to my Packer fan ears).

Proverbs 10:19 When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.

Proverbs 17:27-28 Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding. (28) Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent.

Proverbs 29:20 Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.

Proverbs 18:4 The words of a man's mouth are deep waters; the fountain of wisdom is a bubbling brook.

Proverbs 18:8 The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels; they go down into the inner parts of the body.

Proverbs 10:14 The wise lay up knowledge, but the mouth of a fool brings ruin near.

Proverbs 13:3 Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin.

Proverbs 15:28 The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things.

Proverbs 18:6 A fool's lips walk into a fight, and his mouth invites a beating.

Proverbs 21:23 Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.

Proverbs 26:28 A lying tongue hates its victims, and a flattering mouth works ruin.

It's Easy to See Sin in Other People

I recently read this by Tim Challies, I thought I would share with you:

This is just about my favorite time of day. The house is quiet and no one else awake. It allows me a few minutes to myself—time I use every day to read the Bible and pray. I know that in a few minutes the family will begin to stir. Nick and Abby will wake up and Michaela will not be far behind. It won’t be long before the quiet is punctuated by their childish squabbles over who gets to eat what or who gets to sit where. I can pretty well count on this.

A little bit after nine, we will head to church. Here we’ll enjoy a time of worship and fellowship with a group of our favorite people. Though we love them dearly, I’m quite sure we’ll see evidence of sin in their lives—we’ll hear people say things they shouldn’t say and see them do things they shouldn’t do. After church we’ll head to the home of some friends to spend the afternoon with them and, once again, I’m sure there will be plenty of evidence of sin in their lives and in ours. We’ll return to church in the late afternoon to once more hear a sinful brother preach what I’m sure will be an excellent but somehow-imperfect sermon. And after it all, we’ll head home. And as we do, you can be sure that there will be more sin, more fighting or complaining or temptation to say things that just have no business being said.

All day we will see the evidence of sin in others around us. It is inevitable, is it not? How are we to react to such sin? It is here that Jonathan Edwards offers a valuable resolution and one that I hope will be in my mind and on my heart as I see so much sin today. I trust that you will benefit from reading it and pondering it as well.

Resolved, To act, in all respects, both speaking and doing, as if nobody had been so vile as I, and as if I had committed the same sins, or had the same infirmities or failings, as others, and that I will let the knowledge of their failings promote nothing but shame in myself, and prove only an occasion of my confessing my own sins and misery to God.

Too Easily Pleased or Impossible to Please?

The other day I read this needed challenge by Douglas Wilson:

As parents, teachers, elders, pastors, and as those in authority, we tend to fall into one of two errors as we seek to guide those who have been placed under our authority. One error is to be far too easily pleased. The other is to become impossible to please. For the former, not only is the glass always half full, but it is reckoned to be completely full because it is half full. For the latter, the glass is always considered to be completely empty because it is always half empty. Both of these approaches are destructive forms of leadership.

And apart from the work of the Spirit in our lives, we tend to fall into one of these two errors. But the work of grace sees what needs to be done, and also sees, in wisdom, what has been done. And the attitude that accompanies this wisdom is that of being extraordinarily easy to please, and extraordinarily difficult to satisfy. This is how our Father God is with us, and this is how we should be with one another. We don't want to be easy to please and easy to satisfy. Neither do we want to be impossible to please and impossible to satisfy. The former type of parent produces well-boiled noodles. The latter gives us neurotic dry twigs, ready to snap.

To you as a congregation, how does this apply? God is extremely pleased with you, and with how far you have come. Is He satisfied? Not even close. We are still on pilgrimage, and are not yet conformed to the image of Christ.

Fighting Each Other

I am reading "15 Stars: Eisenhower, MacArthur, Marshall".

I read this quote from a British general's diary that reminds me of internal strife that can take place in the church:

"Running a war seems to consist in making plans and then ensuring that all those destined to carry it out don't quarrel with each other instead of the enemy." (Page 164)
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Winning and Argument

Some wise and true words from Abraham Piper:

I’ve only ever won arguments with people who like me.

If your only goal in arguing is to make a point, argue on.

If your goal is to convince, develop rapport first.

Suicide and the Question of True Faith

Yesterday I received a call from a friend who recently found out that his cousin had committed suicide. The question came up (and it probably has crossed your mind before) regarding suicide and salvation. Can a person who commits suicide go to heaven? Or, can a TRULY saved person commit suicide?

These are questions that you may face as you deal with the lose of someone you know or when questions come from friends and relatives.

The short answer to the main question (can they go to heaven) is YES. It is possible. Suicide is not the unpardonable sin.

However, it is important to look more thoroughly at the Scriptures to think rightly on this subject.

I encourage you to read the following two sermons on this subject by Piper:

"A Funeral Meditation for a Christian who Committed Suicide"

and

"Funeral Message for Luke Kenneth Anderson" (someone I knew when I was at Bethlehem)


Also -- A very help answer to the question can be found by Massimo Lorenzini in this article called-- "Can a Person who Commits Suicide Be Saved?"

Hard Words for Fathers - Part 3 - "Hold Your Pride Under"

Here is the third installment of Doug Wilson's "Hard Words for Fathers." If you haven't read the first two you can find them here.

As a parent myself, his words in this article were convicting and rung true to my own experience. He talks about listening to advice and constructive criticism from godly friends who may see your parenting situation more accurately. Beware of pride that will keep you from listening and may result in feeling offended.


Hold Your Pride Under
by Douglas Wilson

I said earlier that in your troubles with Jon, you needed to seek out someone who could help you, humble yourself and ask for that help. There is one other point that needs to made about this.

If the answer to your problem were obvious to you, then Jon wouldn't be an out of control discipline case. Neither would Mary, and we will need to talk about her later. Now, because the exact nature of the problem is not obvious to you, when you first seek out the input of someone who has biblical wisdom on these things, the chances are that what they say to you will have two characteristics. First, you will probably be surprised by what they say. Often, their input will tell you to do the exact opposite of what you thought you were supposed to be doing -- like trying to explain to a Southerner how to drive in snow. You have been trying to turn the wheel this way, but you actually should be trying to turn it the other way. Many aspects of this problem are because of the counterintuitive nature of the solution.

The second aspect of their input is a little more unpleasant. When you finally get real help, from someone who is really willing to tell you what is going on in your family, and how you got to the place where you are, it is in the highest degree likely that you or your wife, or both, will be offended. Part of the reason why you have gotten this far without hearing what you need to hear is that many of your friends instinctively know this. You will be tempted to think that the person who finally tells you "doesn't understand," or "doesn't care," or "has a simplistic approach," or "doesn't know your wife," and so on.

My point is not that the outside observer is perfect or omniscient. My point is that it is your son that is out of control, and you don't know why, and this other person is likely to have a better grasp of that than you do. And even if he doesn't, what good does it do to get offended? The temptation to take offense in a situation like this should be taken by you as a version of that children's game, where you tell the child he is getting warmer, warmer, warmer, until he finds the button. The more prickley and offended you feel yourself getting, the more godly advice is probably getting warmer, warmer, warmer. So fight the temptation to take offense. Roll with it.

Saul Selby this Sunday at Grace Church

This Sunday, we have the privilege of having Saul Selby come to Grace Church to challenge us on Evangelism. Saul is a resident of Wyoming (MN) and is the director of Missionary Evangelism to Corrections an extensive evangelism ministry to the jails in Chisago County and other surrounding counties.

Saul, a former-addict, also runs a ministry called "Set-Free Recovery Ministries" which includes intervention and counseling for those enslaved to drugs and alcohol. Saul has authored several books, pamphlets and video series including the book Twelve Step Christianity.

Saul is going to challenge us to follow Jesus by paying "Grace Debts" (using Pastor Dave's language) to those around us who do not know or follow Jesus. His sermon is entitled -- "The Lost Art of Reaching the Lost."

He is also going to share with us some opportunities to get involved locally with evangelism to the jails.

Please pray for Saul and the service this Sunday -- and come!

Please take the time to read this tremendous article by Tim Challies that challenges us to joyfully (because of the Cross of Christ) think about ourselves in these terms: "I am the Greatest Sinner I Know."

The Greatest Sinner I Know

I am going to pose a question and ask you to think for a minute or two before answering. Stop for a moment before you continue reading this article and answer this simple question. Who is the worst sinner you know? Chances are that you know hundreds of people. Perhaps a thousand. Think of all those people and ponder which one is the worst sinner of all.

I’ll wait.

Who did you think of? Perhaps you thought of a parent who did irreversible damage to you when you were only a child. Maybe you thought of a co-worker who delights in his own depravity, or maybe you thought of a friend or family-member who is imprisoned for what he has done. But if you were honest I hope you were able to admit that you know someone who is a far greater sinner than any of these.

Who do you know better than anyone else? Whose heart is laid before you in its entirety, so that you cannot escape the evil bubbling just beneath the surface and the far greater evil buried deep within? When I stop and think about the greatest sinner I know, I really have no choice but to admit that it is me. I am the greatest sinner I know. It feels good to say it. Good but humbling. I am the greatest sinner I know. I may not sin as much as the guy next door, but I see only a few of his evil deeds, so he cannot be the worst winner I know. I see every single one of mine. All day long, in everything I do and in every word I say, I see my own propensity towards evil.

I know how my heart grumbles when it should be glad, and how it is glad when it should cry out. I see how I can walk away from the poor, lonely and destitute and rarely think of them again. I know how I continually do the very things I least want to do and least should do, all the while avoiding those things I most want to do. Truly there is no end to the depravity of my heart. William Law, who lived in the 18th century, knew this. He said, “Nothing hath separated us from God but our own will, or rather our own will is our separation from God.” He said also that, “Self is the root, the tree, and the branches of all the evils of our fallen state.” The selfishness of my heart and my love for what is evil is both shocking and humbling. And it all begins with me.

The apostle Paul knew this. While there are few people in all of history most of us would be more eager to spend time with, and while there are few who have contributed more to the Christian faith, he looked into his heart and proclaimed himself the chief of sinners. “The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life” (1 Timothy 1:15,16).

Like Paul, William Law was the worst sinner he knew. He wrote, “We may justly condemn ourselves as the greatest sinners we know because we know more of the folly of our own heart than we do of other people’s.”

You are the worst winner you know. I am the worst sinner I know. Say it to yourself and let it sink in. Let it penetrate your heart and your conscience.

All is not lost.

Why did Paul proclaim himself the foremost of sinners? He was not dwelling on his own sinful nature, nor bemoaning his state. No, Paul was pointing, as he did in every area of his ministry, to the cross of Christ. The depravity of the apostle was great, but how much greater was the love of Jesus Christ! He received mercy so that Jesus might display His amazing grace.

In The Cross Centered Life, C.J. Mahaney writes of the woman who washed Jesus’ feet. “As Jesus reclines at the low table, leaning on one elbow, His feet stretched out away from the table, the woman stands over Him and begins to weep. All conversation ceases. The sound of her weeping grows in volume, filling the house and spilling out into the street. Her freely flowing tears wet His unwashed feet. She kneels down, takes down her hair, and with it begins to wash Jesus’ tear-stained feet. The she kisses them and anoints them with perfume as an act of worship.”

We have all heard this story many times. But maybe we have missed its full significance. This woman was not weeping out of remorse for her sin. She was not asking the Lord’s forgiveness, hoping that her cries would stir His heart to give her a word of blessing. She knew that she had already been forgiven. Her soul was cleansed, her past forgotten. And so she wept, crying out with joy, gratitude and devotion. Looking to the worst sinner she knew, she was filled with love for the One who had extended grace to her. And so she wept, providing for Christians of all ages a beautiful example of worshipful devotion. And so she wept.

The greatest of sinners requires the greatest Savior. I am the greatest sinner I know. Thankfully, because of God’s grace, I also know the greatest Savior. And so I weep.

The Delusion of Self-Sovereignty

I love the tittle of this sermon by Paul David Tripp on James 4:13-17 called -- "The Delusion of Self-Sovereignty." Tripp, an author and biblical counselor (see here), preaches every Sunday night at Tenth Presbyterian Church in Philadelphia and is preaching through the book of James. You can watch or listen (either online or by downloading) to the sermon series here, and if you would like to listen to or watch the sermon that I mentioned -- here is the sermon link and the outline of the sermon:

Delusion of Self-Sovereignty

Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.
-James 4:13-17

Six Dangers of Self-Sovereignty

1. Self-Sovereignty puts me in the center of my universe.

God and God alone belongs at the center of our universe.

2. Self-Sovereignty is subtly driven by the purposes and pleasures of material acquisition and profit.

“Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”

3. Self-Sovereignty denies mystery.

”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life?”

4. Self-Sovereignty forgets eternity.

“What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.”

5. Self-Sovereignty fails to live submissively.

“Instead you ought to say, ‘If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.’ ”

6. Self-Sovereignty is propelled by a wrong definition of sin.

“As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.”

Sin in its essence is a matter of what rules and controls your heart. It is pride and self-rule in the face of the sovereign grace and the sovereign rule of God.

How do we overcome this delusion?

We run to the foot of the cross. Jesus is our example and source of forgiveness and freedom from the delusion of self-sovereignty.